Suicide Tuesday, June 01, 2004 I heard recently that a girl at a local high school killed herself. I was accidentally eavesdropping...that thing you try not to do, you're just sitting there, and there's a space between thoughts, and something someone else says draws you. You don't mean it, but there you are, being rude. I remebered another girl. God, she was so quiet...silence seemed to surround her. I'd talk to her when I could, try and bring her out, say silly things to make her laugh, and the best I would get was a sweet smile, a nod, a shake of head. When I heard she'd killed herself, I was so sorry...genuinely hurt, and I missed her even as I felt guilty that I hadn't tried harder. We had been, in a way, sisters in unpopularity. That was the better part of me, feeling. But when the teacher announced it, she also annouced that a special counceller would come in, and all these people who tortured her and were mean to her...and even people who just pretty much ignored her...they were all crying and saying how terrible this all was, and going to the councellor to learn how to "deal with the loss of their classmate." It made me so angry. I'd felt suicidal from time to time...you feel so lost, sometimes, at that age...but right then and there, looking at these hypocrites, I swore I'd never give them a free hour out of class over *my* cooling body. This post seems to be more apropo of nothing than my usual, but perhaps the thought will get out there, into the air, and maybe some young person will get angry instead of sad, and keep their heads down and wait it all out. Because trust me, life gets *so* much better after High School. Permalink Cindy scribed this at 2:54 PM 0 comments

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