And more... Wednesday, April 20, 2005 some of my friends had some interesting thinsg to say, so... I am not sure that living every day to the fullest is the answer. I do that...everyday I try and find ways to be better, to make myself happy, to make the people around me happy. I try and seize the moments, knowing that they never last, and therefore need to be treasured. This is how you make memories, by striving to make magic in you life. Therefore, that must not be the complete answer. Because part of seize the day is this...that yesterday does not matter and tomorrow might never come. The question is not how do I make myself happy, but how do I make myself worthwhile? How do I accept who I am, and still move forward, still feel the weight of my life, and who I am, rather than escaping it by seizing the day. My life is a chaos in some ways because I got so burned out, I took so much on, that I had to escape from it, and the chaos, the mess, just gets worse, a little more, every day. Now don't get me wrong. I think that living each day to the fullest is very important, and I often find that that is the advice I give to people. Don't worry about it, live, be happy. Even when they should be doing their homework. *grins* I always knew when I gave that advice that it was not so easy to follow, and it isn't. Just as you knew it when you spoke of it to me. But I think, for me, I have to structure myself, find a new focus, I have to make peace with the fractures of my life. Because we all face consequences for what we do. We all chain ourselves. If I break this chain, if I do what I always secretly wanted to do, I will face consequences. I do know that I allow certain people in my life to control it far too much, but I know that the other option is one I cannot live with. Sometimes we choose slavery because it is the only way, and we all make ourselves slaves to something, anyway, don't we? Our parents, or jobs, our dreams. So that said, how do I make the life I have now one I can live, and live with? What to I cut out of my life, what do I keep? Is there something I can do to make me think, even if I end up not doing anything in particular to make myself happy, that I am on the right path, that I have a right to feel content? This is the stuff I need to try and figure out, by bits, and see if I can deal with what I choose. Permalink Cindy scribed this at 9:59 AM 0 comments

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