Right here. Right now. This is it. Tuesday, April 19, 2005 This has haunted me the past two weeks. I have always been about moving forward. On the bus, an alone and painfully unpopular little kid, even in the first grade, the promise of college was the light at the end of my tunnel. “College so makes up for it.” my mother said. I remember it clearly, though the memory is older than most of the people who read this journal. Then, at college, I thought, I will have my life when I get married. And we know that story. And so it continued.... I will have my life when I get divorced. I will have my life when I get my master's. I will have my life when my book gets published. I will have my life when I get a full time job again. Forward, always looking forward. The first time my thoughts challenged this assertion I was still in college, flipping through the card catalogue at work. “This is my life.” I thought. “This is my life right now.” The thought shocked me stopped, and I was still for so long one of my bosses came over and asked if I was ok. Here I am. I passed each of those points save one, and my life did not magically happen. I do not look around and go, yes, I am finally living my life. So when will I? How will I define my life? Myself? Do I define it by my future mate? Do I define it by my career? Or will I feel that time has continually slipped through my fingers, and I never have lived? Very well then. This is my life. This is my life right now. So how do I live it? How do I make it feel like mine? Permalink Cindy scribed this at 5:34 PM 1 comments

1 Comments:

Why is it always easier to live in the past or the future, than it is to live in the present, where life is actually happening?

By  g d townshende, at 5:44 AM  

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