Once in a Blue Moon...

But Will they Remember Me When I am Gone?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Last Friday one of the Emeriti of the department was commemorated at a little get together, he was interviewed for the local newspaper, one of the local politicians presented him with a lovely plaque. That is all lovely, that he received this, but what impressed me was that people who he knew years ago, who had no reason to know about this, have emailed me asking if they could send notes of congratulations.

It’s amazing to me. Not as amazing as this. I have been told that people on campus like me, that I have more friends than I realize. That floors me. What also floors me is that, at the main event for the women’s studies conference, I and the other Cindy, who did a lot of the work putting it together (the other Cindy, who’s the GA, is amazing! I’m really proud of what she accomplished by herself…) both received standing ovations when we were thanked.
I wish I’d been there, instead of the OR. I would have liked to have seen that.

I’m glad I wasn’t there (on the other hand) because I would have been a puddle of mortification.

I think the problem is that I am so focused on thinking that I’m nobody/unworthy that I don’t notice that people actually DO like me. In fact, I wouldn’t have believed the standing ovation thing if people hadn’t told me. Maybe my modesty is one of the reasons people do like me (if they do, ha ha) and therefore I cannot change it, because maybe they will like me less. In a way, it doesn’t really matter, except that I have a hard time graciously accepting compliments. At least I don’t tell people “I don’t” when they say things like, “You rock!” I just say, “You’re too kind.” And if they continue, and say, “No, I’m not, it’s true,” I smile genuinely and say, “Thank you.” I swear it doesn’t mean that I believe the hype…modesty is a virtue, is it not?

Anyway, anyway, I am moving from my point. I think that people will remember me. As I write this, a professor (yes, I am blogging at work…oh-oh…but I only took half my lunch?) from my department hands me an article on writing a novel. “You’ve already written one,” he points out, “But it’s someone going through the same thing.” Amazing. Also, today, when I was gone on my half a lunch, my father called, and said something that, to my work study, sounded like he said he had cancer, and several faculty were there, and all of them were so worried for me and my father. He had been misheard…he called to say he did not have cancer, thank God, but all of these are these odd examples of how maybe I’ve not made the total mash of things that I expected myself to. At least, not yet.

Sometimes I get tired, and it’s hard to keep up the genuine smile that I try to flash to everyone who looks at me. To jump up and help every person who comes through the door, to meet the eyes of everyone I speak to. But it’s such a good thing to do. Maybe it only makes people feel better for five seconds, if that, and maybe I am forgotten the second they walk away, but I need to keep the spirit and energy to do this up. It’s really the only truly Christian thing I manage to do.

I have no idea if there was a point to anything I’ve written, and I only have a minute to post, so…*clicks post*

Permalink Cindy scribed this at 4:02 PM 2 comments

2 Comments:

I loved your artcle on the proffessor and writting on lunch hour . I spend a lot of time writing and blogging . I remember a favorite teacher I had as a child they gave him the worst kids in the school . He was probaly the smallest teacher size wise in the school but everybody loved him he had no problems with anybody . Which proves once again love is the strongest force on earth .

By dolls like us, at 1:28 PM

Thank you so much...I think you are quite right.

By Cindy, at 6:45 PM

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Rainy Tuesday
Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I have to confess, my love for Bruce Campbell is growing in leaps and bounds...it's always been there, because I think he's just neat, but after re-watching The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr (Which makes me want to know why Jules Carey isn't a huge star? he's such a good actor...his timing is brilliant...) and now I'm netflixing Jack of all Trades (Napoleonic War comedy! Spies! Swashes! Buckles!) I am reminded how much I just adore that guy.
I need to watch Army of Darkness again. I'm not huge on comedy, but I like these for some reason...just so pleasant.

What else? It's rainy out, but it's spring, warm, delicious, spring. I adore this time of year because I love the rain and the flowers, and the temperature is pretty much optimal for me. I am not a hot weather girl, so weather that's satiny warm is perfect. I do have something I like about all times of the year, I think it's silly to love one season much over another, because I am trying to keep myself from that ugly cycle of wishing my life away.

I haven't written much of late. I burned myself out a little, getting Chocolatier's Wife done in such a short amount of time, and I need to ease myself back into one of my partial books. I really want to finish the Water's Edge duo because that will mean that I will have written three books in a year, but that's a little much, really, because I will probably have to rip out huge amounts of what I have done.

We're entering the busy part of the semester, so I am solidly occupied for the most part. My father is home again, at least...and Sophie the cat is home...so the family is together again. I am getting close to done on the doll house, putting in ceiling cove and baseboards now (I also still need to reinstall the roof and attic) and I'm overall pleased. I have 6 inches (or in Dollhouse terms, 6 feet) more in both my living room and bedroom because I got rid of my front porch. Sad, that my dollhouse no longer has a porch, but I never saw it anyway, and I feel a dollhouse is really more of a creative display case for the tiny cool things inside the rooms.
I have been reading, thankfully, and that has been lovely. I am almost done with Hannah March's delightful A Distinction of Blood. I love all of her Robert Fairfax stories, which take place in a wonderfully imagined Georgian England.

Labels: Bruce Campbell, life, spring

Permalink Cindy scribed this at 3:52 PM 0 comments

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The timing of things
Thursday, March 08, 2007

Last Friday I awoke with a fever, and then for four days thereafter I was really sick. I'm still worn through, (and a little sick) and i wonder if i will ever feel rested again. It's good in some ways, rather than being able to concentrate too much on my book and how it's doing, I've been sleeping.

Rule one: Never watch part of the Revenger's Tragedy because you need something to watch while you're eating. I put it on, watched it for awhile, then went to sleep, and in my fever ridden, could clouded mind Christopher Eccleston ran around spouting verse. Which, in itself, isn't bad, but the dreams were odd and murky, like the movie itself, but then, any movie where you have Derek Jacoby with long white hair and purple lipstick (to match his fingernails, darling) is a leetle loopy.

Rule two: Do not force yourself to go grocery shopping on the Saturday when you are feeling ill. No amounts of guilt, self inflicted or not, are worth getting this sick for. Especially if you're going to follow this trip by going to McDonald's for fries, and you get stuck in line for ever and ever because someone rear ended someone else in the drive through.

The nice thing about being sick is that, like I said, I've not had time to worry about the book much. It's doing alright, but is, by no means, guaranteed to make it through. I think it's chance of making it through the first round is about 65%. If you haven't voted, I beg you, pretty please, do.
http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976920515

I think if I was healthy, I'd obsess over this to the point of madness. Now I just want my life to get back to normal. I want to track down my friends on MSN and start commenting on journals. Maybe next week, over spring break, I'll get better at all this.

i have received some really amazing feedback over my story. The only real frustration I feel, the only real shame, is that because of the contest rules, each chapter has to be at least 2,000 words long, which meant that I had to skip some chapter breaks. It makes my story look smooshed together, which is really sad. if each letter was allowed to indicate the beginning of a new chapter, i think that it would read better.

Ah, well. There is still so much wonderful support...sometimes from unexpected places...that I feel really blessed. *hugs her flist* You guys are really amazing.

Forgive me for the spacey randomness of this. I wanted to write something a bit more grateful and a lot less whiny, but really, all i can think of is sleep! Pity there's still an hour left of work...

Labels: chocolatier

Permalink Cindy scribed this at 2:59 PM 0 comments