But Will they Remember Me When I am Gone?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007Last Friday one of the Emeriti of the department was commemorated at a little get together, he was interviewed for the local newspaper, one of the local politicians presented him with a lovely plaque. That is all lovely, that he received this, but what impressed me was that people who he knew years ago, who had no reason to know about this, have emailed me asking if they could send notes of congratulations.
It’s amazing to me. Not as amazing as this. I have been told that people on campus like me, that I have more friends than I realize. That floors me. What also floors me is that, at the main event for the women’s studies conference, I and the other Cindy, who did a lot of the work putting it together (the other Cindy, who’s the GA, is amazing! I’m really proud of what she accomplished by herself…) both received standing ovations when we were thanked.
I wish I’d been there, instead of the OR. I would have liked to have seen that.
I’m glad I wasn’t there (on the other hand) because I would have been a puddle of mortification.
I think the problem is that I am so focused on thinking that I’m nobody/unworthy that I don’t notice that people actually DO like me. In fact, I wouldn’t have believed the standing ovation thing if people hadn’t told me. Maybe my modesty is one of the reasons people do like me (if they do, ha ha) and therefore I cannot change it, because maybe they will like me less. In a way, it doesn’t really matter, except that I have a hard time graciously accepting compliments. At least I don’t tell people “I don’t” when they say things like, “You rock!” I just say, “You’re too kind.” And if they continue, and say, “No, I’m not, it’s true,” I smile genuinely and say, “Thank you.” I swear it doesn’t mean that I believe the hype…modesty is a virtue, is it not?
Anyway, anyway, I am moving from my point. I think that people will remember me. As I write this, a professor (yes, I am blogging at work…oh-oh…but I only took half my lunch?) from my department hands me an article on writing a novel. “You’ve already written one,” he points out, “But it’s someone going through the same thing.” Amazing. Also, today, when I was gone on my half a lunch, my father called, and said something that, to my work study, sounded like he said he had cancer, and several faculty were there, and all of them were so worried for me and my father. He had been misheard…he called to say he did not have cancer, thank God, but all of these are these odd examples of how maybe I’ve not made the total mash of things that I expected myself to. At least, not yet.
Sometimes I get tired, and it’s hard to keep up the genuine smile that I try to flash to everyone who looks at me. To jump up and help every person who comes through the door, to meet the eyes of everyone I speak to. But it’s such a good thing to do. Maybe it only makes people feel better for five seconds, if that, and maybe I am forgotten the second they walk away, but I need to keep the spirit and energy to do this up. It’s really the only truly Christian thing I manage to do.
I have no idea if there was a point to anything I’ve written, and I only have a minute to post, so…*clicks post*
Permalink Cindy scribed this at 4:02 PM
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dolls like us, at
1:28 PM