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What do you dream about?
Thursday, August 23, 2007When I first divorced I used to keep a journal. It was a love letter to someone else, to the future, to the love I was sure I would find soon. I told him about my day, and about my hopes, and about the dreams I had, the odd moments of deja vu, where I was almost certain I was seeing through his eyes. Sometimes I would close my eyes, and see a road that I’d never before seen, and wondered if the vision I held in my head was that of him, right then, driving some road. Was he going home? Was he alone? Sometimes I would be inexplicably happy for absolutely no reason, sometimes so sad I longed to cut my own heart out of my chest and only feel the better for it. Was I feeling something, down some invisible connection? Were the emotions mine? Or was it just an odd balance of chemical and moment that made me feel the way I did? I haven’t written in that journal in ages. It seems stupid now, why would he want to read about my troubles, my victories, the millions of questions I asked that he had not been able to answer? I don’t even know where it is, probably on a book case somewhere, with the blank books I can’t bear to mark up. Do you ever find yourself drinking tea, and wondering if your soul mate drinks tea, or prefers coffee? Do you ever see the curve of road ahead, and wonder if someone is waiting for you there, just enither of you know it? Do you wonder if they miss us as much as we miss them, or are they even thinking of us at all? Sometimes I do. Sometimes I look up at the night sky and wonder if the stars that shine on me touch him as well. And sometimes, just sometimes, I pretend that right then he’s wondering the same thing as well. Labels: proem, sometimes you just have to weep Permalink Cindy scribed this at 2:15 PM 3 comments |
3 Comments:
That's really interesting, and sad. I think I used to do this, but I don't believe in soul mates anymore -- maybe because I've been married almost 20 years.
Cindy, this was such a beautiful, bittersweet, wonderful post. It really inspired me and changed the direction entirely of my next project. Huge. So thank you!!
By 
Joely Sue Burkhart, at
5:13 PM
Miss UV, you're probably right. But 20 years of marriage is awesome.
Joely, Your words are a great honor to me, thank you!