The edge of the water
Thursday, September 06, 2007

Nope, no writing yesterday after all, I worked on the Templar event that’s coming to campus. It is a ton of work, but it promises to be amazing.

I did read a bit of Water’s Edge last night, editing while I did so. I started writing it three years ago, now, wanting to create something epic and beautiful and very deeply magic. At that point I’d not completed a fully other world fantasy book, both Blue Moon and Balancing Act take plac in the present. It’s hard to get a grasp of something that has lain still for so long. I’ve worked on it off and on, but I keep getting stopped. I know what basically should happen, and I have an idea where to go next, but between trying to combine this story with another (I want there two eventually be two books that belong together telling a wider story…I keep wondering if I should stagger the two plots together, through the two books, or make each plot its own book) and trying to make the beginning more exciting (there’s a lot of important stuff that happens in the first 100 pages, but I can see impatient readers going, “but when do we get to the Mer-people? When does something *happen*?) I keep running into walls.

It’s going to be a great story, filled with sea witches and mer-people, sailing ships and vast under sea worlds. There’s espionage and love. So I wish my head would get into it again.

Of late, I write my journal entries in pieces. I bring up the file, start, decide there’s something that needs done right now, go away and do it, then add to it. Which explains, probably, why there is sometimes a lack of consistency.

This was the summer of the baby, for sure. I’ve gotten pictures of all of them now…including the latest. My Department chair’s wife had their little girl the day before yesterday.

I’m getting back to the idea that true, perfect morality is impossible. If I were truly moral, I would not eat, drink, wear anything that could be connected to any type of harm. I would be completely without self desire. That is absolutely not possible. Everything in this world is tainted, somehow. Sugar, soda, the material that makes my shoes. It is very frustrating. I suppose one must live with it, then try to make up for it by changing the way things are for the better.

I am also getting a parasol for my birthday, I decided. I saw one that I really loved, and am going to ask my mum for it. Yes, parasols are really rather useless. But I’ve always really wanted one. And I’m controlling myself…ecru, not black or purple or some other shiny color.

Also, I’m almost done with the ultimate wench costume. I made some minor mistakes creative adjustments, and now only need to hem the skirts.

OMG, Thursday! I need to do my 13!

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

It’s just…yeah.

I’m so worried and upset about so many things, but I don’t want to be all whiney all the time on my journal, so I’ll skip it.

Part of it is that it’s not easy being truly moral and good. When I mean moral, I don’t mean the obvious things, don’t sleep with a married man or lie. I mean real morality, real spiritual goodness. It’s not meant to be easy, but sometimes I wish I could be selfless in complete, that I would not want things so powerfully. It would make decisions so much easier. And it would make me hate so much less those who should not be hated. Well, maybe hate is too strong a word. Resentment is better.

The thing is, I am also trying to avoid having regrets, because I have a hard time letting things go. I tend to let them fester and feel badly about them.

The well pump was fixed Monday…which was wonderful. I am so grateful for that, being able to shower was heaven. It also kept me from risking a Withnail and I-esq moment, because down in the valley that my house overlooks is a creek. And that creek is fenced and gated off, because there’s cows. I’d been contemplating going down to the creek to get water (despite the gate and electric fence) enjoying the idea of exploring old grounds again. I wish that it wasn’t fenced off…before it was, I would spend a lot of time walking down the creek, until I got to the highway over pass. I used to stand under the highway, water trickling around my feet, listening to the cars zooming overhead. It felt like a completely different world, and the contract between it, and between the very old stone bridge that I would have to cross under to go home made the gap seem even bigger.

I started this journal post three hours ago and still feel crocky. I wish I’d brought a book – I’m reading Plum Lovin’ with its lurid purple-pink cover and decided I didn’t feel like carrying it with me to work and having anyone look at me oddly.

Aha. I know what I will do. I have exactly one dollar. I will go to the local library, use said dollar to buy a book (or three…it’s three paperbacks for a dollar) and then I will go to quiznos. Yes. That should cheer me. I need cheering. I’m catching up at work, and if I have a proper mindset, I will be able to – dare I say it? Write.

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Permalink Cindy scribed this at 11:52 AM 0 comments

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